Self-esteem encompasses your overall evaluation of your own worth. It is shaped by your beliefs about yourself, influenced by experiences, societal expectations, and personal relationships. Low self-esteem can manifest in a myriad of ways, impacting mental health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.

Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D., author of The Self-Esteem Workbook describes healthy self-esteem as having a realistic, appreciative opinion of yourself. A realistic appreciation of yourself comes with knowing who you are– your values, principles, standards, strengths, and weaknesses–with accuracy and honesty, and having a gladness about your unique qualities. Schiraldi also emphasizes that self-esteem can be quite complex because it relates to a variety of other concepts such as identity (“Who am I?”), acceptance (approval of yourself even as you seek to make improvements), and self-confidence (or belief in your own competence). It also involves striking the balance between self-deprecating humility and grandiose pride.

While there are many benefits to improving your self-worth (such as increased happiness, motivation, self-expression, and confidence), there are also various advantages to disliking yourself. For example, there are little risks for disappointment if you have little expectations of yourself and others. Sometimes others may give you pity or attention when you talk down yourself. Self dislike can also keep you safe from becoming too prideful, and it can help you fit in especially if others around you also hold a negative view of pride. Growing self-esteem is a process that requires effort. You may want to brainstorm your own pros and cons list for improving your self-esteem to get a clearer picture of the obstacles that contribute to keeping you stuck. Growing your benefits list and addressing the drawbacks can help tip the scale in favour of changing your self-perception.

Self-esteem is about self-evaluation. Even if you have many achievements and receive many compliments, you can still feel “not good enough.” Counselling may involve exploring the root causes of low self-esteem, learning what helps (and what does not help) to enhance self-esteem, and challenging negative beliefs. Counselling may also involve identifying and appreciating your strengths and values, cultivating body appreciation, and leaning into self-compassion. Ultimately, the goal is to empower you to embrace your uniqueness and inherent worth.